Okay guys, has this ever happened to you? So I arrive home one day to find my wife sitting outside on the front porch of our house with a cigarette. Nothing unusual there you may say, and you’d be right. If, that is, we didn’t live in Southern California during the summer where the temperature was over 100 degrees! “Hi,” I give her my best ‘why are you sitting outside instead of indoors with the air conditioning’ look.
“Hmph,” then silence. Despite the heat, her lips are frozen.
“What’s up?” More silence.
Finally she blurts out “I couldn’t go back in the house until you got home from work.” Now we’re getting somewhere.
“Oh…locked out?” I innocently enquire.
“No…” okay maybe we’re not getting anywhere. “There’s a bug.”
Enough To Drive You Buggy
“What? Where?” I stupidly begin to look around.
“In the house.” Is she kidding? One glance at her face however tells me in no uncertain terms that there’s no joking going on at this particular point in time. This is not the comedy hour. But come on… it’s a big house! Clearly we’re playing a guessing game here so I pose the obligatory quandary.
“Where in the house?”
“On the wall.” Hoo boy. Well that certainly pins it down.
“Maybe you could narrow that down a tad?”
”In the bathroom.” Ah… Now we truly are getting somewhere.
“Why didn’t you just close the bathroom door?” If I’d asked her what color George Washington’s white horse was she couldn’t have looked at me with a bigger expression of ‘duh’.
“It’s a bug, wait for it.”
“It would have crawled under the door.” How could I have been so ignorant?! Surely this bug would go to whatever means necessary to hunt her down and launch a full Kamikaze attack. I briefly commented on the fact that she’d taken time to grab her smokes so why not a jacket. When my eyes finally stopped bleeding I began in earnest my hunt for the dreaded, deadly bug thing.
All of This Could Have Been Avoided
Now I don’t necessarily have a problem with bugs but there are those I’d rather not deal with given the choice. I mean really…that’s why God created exterminators. And since where there’s one there’s usually more (and in particular with old houses—which ours was), calling an exterminator is probably your best bet in many situations.
Hey, let the guy from Black Knight Pest play with the creepy crawly things sporting way more wings and legs than any living thing should be allowed. He gets paid for it. Have a go at it, buddy!